went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize