Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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