Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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