Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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