next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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