There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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