It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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