Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
