Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize