its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
