just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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