i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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