My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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