The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
