a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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