Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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