oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
vagina is talking i cant
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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