It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
