did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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