ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
either way he was missing a nipple.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
