oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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