Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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