I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
