Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
