At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
