You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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