he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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