I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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