he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize