If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
