I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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