Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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