Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
