I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
