I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
