I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
