dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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