Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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