yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
