I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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