ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
