sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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