she takes plan B like it's going out of style
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
