Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
