rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
