pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
