If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize