god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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