the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
