so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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