hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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