Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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