What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
