I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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