could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
