if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize