so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
