it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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