There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
