i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
