Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
