It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
