I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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