She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize