Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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