everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We left the knife in your bed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
