at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize