Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
