is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
